You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You can't just leave with hair like that
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
