Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
