Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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