she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize