she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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