I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I got her a Nickelback box set.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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