im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
