I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
is it fun? or sober?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
