I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize