Whatcha textin bout Willis?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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