He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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