The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
