last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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