sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
