The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
