Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize