the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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