That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
