$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize