Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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