I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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