I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
