I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
