ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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