I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm both gender and math confused
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