Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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