just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
