i just wanna soil my oats bro
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
