he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
