i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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