I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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