Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize