This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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