She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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