In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
