he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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