i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize