idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
