she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
