Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
