Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
