he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
