oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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