never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
