Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
