this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
