I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
