My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
