I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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