We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
