forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
