It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
