Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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