Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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