i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
