Can Purell be used as lube?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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