They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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