I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
