so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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