Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
