Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just gift wrapped bread.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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