Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
