my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
