How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
