im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
