I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
What drink are we having for lunch?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
