fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize